Friday, November 2, 2012

RockStar Baby

You were a rockstar baby. Now you're gone with the wind. Fell so hard. So fast. How am I suppose to deal with this? I'm a mess trying to keep up a face that doesn't reflect what it feels like to have you not here with me. It's a hard realization to know all our memories will forever be history.

I hate sisters. They remind me of the part of me thats lost. The one, single part I'm afraid I'll forget. They say time heals all wounds and with time it gets easier. I'm only finding it's easier because it's getting harder to remember. A picture is worth a thousand words and holds tightly a distant memory. But for how long can a picture be your remedy.

I have memories that are fading fast. The ones without pictures, I'm finding it hard to make them last. How do I bring back the sweet sound of laughter and be able to hold it close so I'll never forget it after? Memories that are there remind me of the ones that aren't. That ones that are fading fast in the dark.

My sister's birthday was yesterday. The last time I was able to wish her a happy birthday was 6 years ago. She would have been 23.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Wingless Angel

Growing up isn't easy. For anyone. Everyone has their "thing", their difficulty, their struggle. To say yours is worse then someone else's is ignorant. Fortunately for me, God gave me my saving grace. My "cure" for all things bad, for all things that threaten to send me to crazy town. Amongst all things that life has to offer, are the things it has to threaten you with. Those moments, those people, those situations that would make any sane human being burst with insanity. Everyone has their "demons". I'm fortunate to have my angel.

My mom.
No matter what, she's been there. No matter what, she's loved me. No matter what, she IS there. No matter what, she LOVES me.

I know there are about a million "mom" tribute's. But for every million, there's probably a million and one people who aren't fortunate to have a reason to make one. Some people have a reason, but lack realization.

I refuse to be one of THOSE people. I refuse to not realize what I've been so fortunate to have.

My mom doesn't sugar coat things, or make them seem better then they are, but she constantly reminds me of what is coming. She's constantly reminding me that it won't always be hard. That there will always be a rainbow at the end of the storm. A finish line at the end of a race.

She tells it like it is, and leaves room to remind you of the hope that will always be there.

Another great thing about my mom is that she never lets a day go by without letting you know how much she loves you. She never takes a single moment for granted. She finds beauty in the ashes, and strength in the weakest moments of our lives. She never stops reminding you just how awesome you are, as a person, and how lucky the world is to have you in it.

A lot of people say it... "If I could be HALF the person my mother is, then I know I did something right". I AM the person I am, because my mother did something right. I'm the mom I am, because my mom was the best mom. I'm the wife I am, because of my mom. I'm the friend I am, because my mom is my best friend. I've learnt everything I know, everything I know how to be, from my mom and not a day goes by that I'm not anything else but grateful.

I don't hope to be as good of a mom as her, I KNOW I will be. Because I had her as my teacher. I'm so confident in the person SHE is, that I'm equally as confident in the person I am.

Mom, thank you. There are really no other words. Thank you for being who you are. The world is a better place because YOU are in it. I'm a better person because YOU are my mom. My children are better people because they can call YOU their Nana. I love you and Happy Birthday! <3.