Tuesday, November 1, 2011

If you were here... I'd bring you dancing.

Saying I miss you so much, seems like such a bad choice of words. Nothing could ever describe how bad I truly miss you. I'm such a better person for having you as my sister.

Mikael reeks of you. I accidentally call him Monique every now and then, and he's not even the same sex. His eyes, I swear they're yours. You'd be so proud of him. He's so caring and loving. He's so smart. Ha... and just like you, he can very well "dish it", but can't always "take it".

Ezekiel would of loved you to pieces. To him, your lego skill would of easily made you THEE best aunt. Him and Mikael are the same age difference that we were. Watching them, in some weird way, reminds me of us. I hope they end up being as close as we were. I hope they learn to lean on each other and hold each other up. I wish you were here to hold me up.

Beautiful. My daughter, your niece... totally has your attitude. I can only pray that she'll use it the way you did, to stand up for what she truly believe's in. She's going to be an ass kicker, just like her aunt. I bet she wouldn't even be as shy around you as she is to everyone else.

You know... sometimes I picture you and Isaac laughing together. He'll be one in a few weeks, you both share the same birth month. Although, I don't think he would of made it to the age of one if you were still here. You probably would of eaten him up by now.

...I just want to let you know... I always knew Mikael would be sad for not having you around... but your nephew and niece cry too. The mere memory of you is so awesome that they cry because they never got to meet you. I hope with the stories I tell that I can make you just as real to them as you are to me. I hope my memories can somehow become theirs. ...Because let's face it... everyone needs some Monique in their head.

I love you. I love you so, so much.

I wish we could of thrown you a party today. I would of made you a cake. A double chocolate fudge cake with raspberry drizzle. I could picture you eating right now. ...With that smile... I miss hanging out with you so badly. I miss laughing with you, taking random drives to nowhere with you, playing yahtzee. No one plays Yahtzee. I hate that. Yahtzee reminds me so much of you, it's stupid. I listen to certain music that I typically wouldn't listen to, just because I know if you were still here you would of loved that song. You use to make the world go round. ...Now, somehow, the memory of you will just have to do...

Happy Birthday little sister. <3. 110189-041906

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